Wednesday, September 13, 2017

A step forward

It's been a long time since I've posted on this blog. Years in fact. I definitely got caught up with life. Finishing my college degree, starting work full-time, going on diability, and then quitting my job due to my deteriorating health. I spent last night in the emergency room, and left with no answers, yet again.

A small health update: I still have a chronic daily headache and chronic migraines. I have a fast heart rate that resulted from my cardiac ablation to cure my heart condition. I suffer from anxiety and depression. And, most debilitating of all, I have persistent left lower quadrant abdominal pain. I have had ruptured ovarian cysts and adhesions that were surgically removed. I've had a laparascopic hysteroscopy, a colonoscopy, and trigger point injections in my abdomen both with and without anesthesia (pro tip- get the anesthesia, they hurt like a mother). I have had this pain periodically since August of 2016, but it became constant after my laparoscopic hysteroscopy in March. I haven't seen improvements with any of the treatments I've tried so far, and it's getting to the point where even walking down the hallway is hard. I'm not really sure where to go from here. 

I have wanted to post here so many times. I read an article recently about perfectionism. How, as perfectionists, many of us can appear lazy because, many times, we won't even attempt a project for fear that it won't live up to our unrealistically high expectations. I definitely relate to this feeling. I am constantly putting things off because I don't want to fail. Tonight is a huge step forward. I am writing this post in an effort to push aside the fears and make a leap into a world that will likely involve some failure. But I find that, as I'm writing this, I'm kinda ok with that. 
I have an appointment with my pain management doctor tomorrow, so I hope to post an update here afterwards with some answers. Fingers crossed!

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